Haha, Mom! No, they didn't ask me to perform with them. Although after the first movement of the first piece, my resolve to pick up my clarinet again strengthened to a full-blown obsession, and by the end of the fourth movement of Elgar's Enigma Variations, I was plotting the overhaul of my Buffet and infiltrating a community band.
I haven't been to the Symphony in years. I hadn't ever been to the Houston Symphony before Friday night. Walking into the concert hall, with the smell of old wood, soaking reeds, and bow oil really catapulted me back into my performance days. As I sat in the audience of the Symphony (right up front, stage right, it was breathtaking...) I vividly recalled what it felt like to be the one on stage. I was only in Orchestra for a year, but I played in many other bands right in the front row as the first chair. Wind Ensemble (on both Bb and bass), jazz band (on sax), a community band called Prevailing Winds... the joy, excitement, nervousness of it all. Worry about screwing it all up coupled with the ecstasy of sharing something you find so beautiful with people that will appreciate what you have to offer. I was hooked.
Again.
I never really left the world of music. It's hard to drop a passion, and I've been sporadically practicing piano over the past five years. But I haven't really played clarinet. I can trace that decision back to a horrendous and vile instructor I had at the University of Houston. Mr. Griffin. He was a griffin. All teeth and claws and no heart. He made me so frustrated that I lost my love for playing. Not for music, just for playing for him. Practicing for him. And when I lost that, I lost it all.
I remember playing in the ensemble, letting the feel of the music wash over me, the beauty of the harmonious chords and the dissonant ones, the building tension, and the release of the resolution. I remember it being my idea of heaven. And I'm so happy it can be again.
I remember how excited I was when I was in my advanced Theory class. Now that was my idea of a good time. Dissecting masterworks to find the underlying mathematical equation. I was never more pleased with myself at my accomplishment. Liszt? No problem. I can spot his equations a mile away. Contemporary composers don't use different equations, they just aren't afraid of dissonance. Doesn't mean I particularly enjoy listening to them (I prefer the Romantic composers, like most women) but I respect where they're coming from.
I guess it's time to brush the dust off of my Buffet and get it overhauled. I'm sure without even looking at it that it needs new pads and corks, and probably some fine-tuning on the lower keys for best playing. I'm now accepting donations to Jen's Musical Obsession Fund.
Oh, and I managed to get tickets to see Holst's The Planets in 2 weeks. Ah, sweet music!
3 comments:
Tickets? Did you say tickets (as in plural)? Should I head on over? Remember what I told you when you were growing up...music is a gift that never goes away!
That's wonderful! It's terrific that you were so inspired by the performance to begin playing again!
And I second anon-music is a gift!
your posts are so funny. I didn't know you played the clarinet. How fascinating! It fits really well with you. I can picture a young Jen with braces and pigtails and a little red and white checkered dress playing a clarinet. I know I'm probably way off but the picture is so cute.
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