Breathe

I was a bridesmaid in a wedding today. I got up so early that I think the world cracked, then went and had my hair done. I wore a black sleeveless-strapless A-line with a sassy bolero jacket and carried a triplet of red roses tied with a silver ribbon. I sat around for about an hour with nothing to do, then performed acrobatics trying to pee before the ceremony. I watched a couple of friends of mine make a covenant with each other and with God. I went to the reception and ate some interesting food, had 50-year olds flirting with me (a family friend), was told I looked smashing, beautiful, a vision, etc etc etc, and had a church friend ask me whose child I was. I then pointed to his friend that he works at the church with and said, "That's my husband, Ed." He immediately turned beet red and started laughing. We all did. Then the 50-year-old flirt's wife (sorry, honey, 49...) made a comment about how I could be her daughter that didn't sit so well with Don Juan.

I finally got home and undressed. When I finally freed myself of the bonds of the corset, I felt a rush...

I could breathe.

And it was so much more than the physical process of taking in air and transporting it to my bloodstream. This afternoon was just the climax of a long month, which ended quite unceremoniously with a thump as the corset hit the bed. I thought there would at least be a Hallelujah chorus. And I realized something. I... am... exhausted.

This month has held so many emotional hills for me. I've felt so emotional lately that I even took a pregnancy test to make sure it wasn't hormonal. But I think it's just a by-product of the stock I've put in my business, the commitment I made, and the effort I've put into it. You see, the past few days have been the worst of it. People backing out of promises they had made, having to rework the numbers, hitting a snag, and having to rework them again. I would be so close to finishing, then something would happen and I could see it slipping through my fingers like water.

Today was like the horrible silent finish before it starts all over again tomorrow. The calm before the storm. And I am the lightning.

God is on my side, though, and I know that without Him I wouldn't have pulled through. As of 12:01 AM this morning I am officially in my last month of Directorship qualification.