Too Much Sometimes

There's something about the business I'm in that makes you realize a lot of ugly truths about the world. Maybe it's the fact that I'm not a priority to people, so I get to see the "real" them, not the face they put on for people they like. I get to see the person they don't show their friends. I'd like to say that everybody's nice, but that's simply not true. Everyone tries to be nice, but I've noticed that in the south people just have a hard time saying "no" because they're trying to be nice. They still don't want to do it, and instead of being honest while still being nice, they simply lead you on for months or stop taking phone calls or get so frustrated that they end up yelling at you. A whole state of bottlers, that's what we are. Hold it in until you explode.

The worst of it is that I'm having to learn the hard way about some of my friends. Not all of them, but a good bit of them. Say they'll help with all the best intentions, I'm sure, but put me off until deadlines have passed and I'm stuck in the mud because I took her at her word. I've had a good friend put off a promise since January. She still hasn't done it. Where do you think I am on her priority list? Pretty darn far down. Ugly truth.

The lesson, though, is not just about ugly truths. It's about forgiveness. It seems almost impossible to do, but I've had to learn God's forgiveness for the people of the world. Yes, they lie to me, cheat me, do stupid things to me, and basically treat me like I'm on this earth simply to take a beating from them, but all in all, they're human and therefore simply not perfect (and neither am I). If I hadn't learned forgiveness, what a horrible state of depression I'd be in. I consider it simply a sign of the ruler of this world, and it makes me long for the ultimate ruler to take over. It makes me sad that human relations have come to this. It makes me praise God for the way he works when I find a truly reliable, honest, committed friend (99 times out of 100 the true friends are deeply Christian). I hang on to her or him for dear life. And it has made me turn inward and become more aware of myself in this regard. Do I tell someone "yes" when I mean "no" and then put them off because I didn't really want to do it in the first place? Am I being compassionate to my friends, returning their phone calls and offering sincerity, even when they don't do the same for me? Am I being a blessing to them, or a bother? Do I follow through on commitments I've made?

They told me that being in this business would build my integrity and honesty, but they didn't tell me that it was because I would get so fed up of other people not having integrity and honesty.

Hopefully those questions I can always answer "yes" to. But I, too, am human and therefore subject to falling in the trap of selfishness. Luckily God sees past all that and loves me just for being me, faults and all. And I know I can always count on Him to remain faithful and be honest with me, even when my human friends fail to.

Thank you, God, for setting such a perfect example of how to be a good friend.